After chanting all the way over in the taxi – and arriving like bloody rockstars – the issue of how we are going to get into the club for free was top of the agenda. At this particular establishment, we had placed ourselves on the guestlist and had assumed that this solved our problem. However, upon closer inspection of the T&Cs by one eagle eyed colleague with a penchant for value for money it became clear that we were still expected to outlay a whole £3. This was the equivalent of 1.5 jack and cokes and was a cause of serious concern. Also, chicks burds got in for free!

This bothered me and so after dividing the taxi fare of £4.60 exactly between 6 of us I decided to have a word with the bouncer. 

“Excuse me sir,” I said “what is your equal opportunities policy?”

“Our what?” was the response. 

I went on to explain that under the Equalities Act 2010 (I may have also mentioned various articles of the  European Convention on Human Rights) it is illegal to discriminate against a person on the basis of their gender. 

Mr Bouncer pondered this for a second and made a compelling argument by asking whether I would prefer that the place was full guys. I deftly countered this by asking how he was able to tell that was something I wouldn’t like. 

I also asked how he could tell whether someone was a man or a woman. I could see immediately that I had him and went on to ask if the only way he could decide whether someone got in for free was by looking to see if they were wearing a skirt. I said that if this was the case then I would rock up in a lbd (little black dress) next time. 

As I knew he would, he realised that in this particular battle of wits he was armed with the equivalent a spoon while I was packing weapons of mass deconstruction and he kindly agreed to let my companions and I in for free (I should also add that he’s a thoroughly nice bloke and had this been any other bouncer then I would almost certainly have found my face bouncing off the kerb).

Anyway, the point of that story is that Tash Friday is an equal opportunities appreciation organisation and so this week’s Tash is a burd lady. 

I therefore bring you an Oscar winning actress who has played everything from Queen Amidala in Star Wars to both swans in swan lake. It is, of course, Natalie Portman:

Have a belting weekend folks!