Good morning Tash Appreciators,

My enjoyment of the Daily Mail Online got the better of me this week as I’ve been following the ongoing “beef” between Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber.

For those of you who aren’t following this scrap – hopefully none of you are – Bieber is alleged to have gone on a date with Bloom’s ex-wife and Bloom isn’t chuffed about it.

The two men (I use that term very loosely in this context) met in an Ibizan club, at which point Bieber apparently made an inflammatory remark and Bloom threw a punch. I imagine it was like the Barry Manilow song “Copacabana”:

“And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two;

there was blood and a single gunshot; 

but just who shot who!?”

Unfortunately – this being a celebrity fight – no punches connected, no chairs were smashed and, unfortunately, both men lived to tweet another day.

I was conflicted about who to support  in this spat. On the one hand, Bieber is clearly very irritating. I’m forced to see his smirking face every time I check The Mail Online. However, Bloom behaved badly on several levels (a) he shouldn’t bother with Bieber; but (b) if he does feel the need to engage with Bieber, he should definitely have battered him, rather than swinging and missing – that’s just embarrassing.

If any of you are having a similar problem regarding who to support – again, I hope this doesn’t apply to any of you and that you have better things to think about – this photo should put the matter to bed:

You may not be able to see it but the caption underneath the photo reads: “sunburnt and mustache”. The fact he thinks that scraggly mess is a Tash says it all – he’s lost any grip he ever had on reality.

Bieber cannot possibly be this week’s Tash and a counter point to his disgraceful attempt is required. If Bieber took the ex-wife of this week’s Tash on a date, I think we can all rest assured that a punch would fly; Bieber would be thrown to the floor (hopefully smashing a chair into two in the process); and no gunshot would be required. This weeks Tash is The Dancing Destroyer, The King of Sting, The Count of Monte Fisto, The Prince of Punch, The Master of Disaster, The One and Only Apollo Creed!

Have a great weekend folks! That is, unless you’re reading this, Bieber – I hope you have a shocker you absolute roaster.

What’s next?