Tag Archives: TGIF

Oh Indeed…

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Morning Tash Appreciators,

I was watching the American Office this week when a new boss appeared to ruin Michael’s fun:

That’s Idris Elba and he’s best known for his role in The Wire as the gangster-turned-economics-student, Stringer Bell. 

Despite having a superb Tash, Stringer is not a nice guy. It’s not a plot spoiler to say that he’s a murdering drug dealer who is driven only by cash. However, he’s not an entirely dislikable character. 

The same goes for one of Stringer’s enemies: Omar Little. He’s also a murderer but, rather than dealing drugs, he steals them and sells them to other gangsters. Although, on paper, he’s as bad a man as Stringer, in many ways he’s the hero of the show. Why? Because, in his words, “a man needs a code”, and he lives by his. He doesn’t hurt civilians and he takes his grandma to church on Sundays. That being said, if you saw him in the street you wouldn’t necessarily know that he’s a man of high morals:

The real villains of the show don’t physically hurt anyone. On the contrary, they hold themselves out as being the saviours of the poor people of Baltimore. Unfortunately, they are greedy, conniving, duplicitous and altogether rather unpleasant. Here’s one of them:

That’s Senator Clay Davis. Yes, you got it, it’s the politicians who do the real damage. This is another example of Tash being rocked by a baddie. Clay Davis, and the other politicians in the show, don’t have a code in the same way as Omar; they’re out for power rather than just money and so they’re not as predictable as Stringer. Not only this, but they’re meant to represent the people and so the damage they do is far greater.  

The work of David Simon, the creator of The Wire, is known for being true to real life; he researches everything meticulously. I’m not suggesting that the real Senator for Maryland accepts bribes the same way clay Davis does but I bet that Simon had someone in mind when he wrote the character. 

In this country, I don’t think our politicians are any better. They serve their own purposes, no-one else’s. For example, Theresa May is apparently set to announce plans to take the UK out of the European Convention on Human Rights. 

She’s not doing this because she doesn’t agree with the legislation (the right to free speech – which I’m using here – is, I understand, generally thought to be worth having), she just wants the votes that the Tories are losing to the “latent racism party” (aka UKIP). Our Home Secretary cares more about votes than she does the fundamental rights of citizens. I could go on about the rest of our right-honourable representatives, but I won’t for the moment. 

Give me Omar and his code any day. At least if Omar was Home Secretary, we civilians would be safe…

Have a good weekend folks.

Keep going!

Firmness in the right

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Morning Tash Appreciators,

The Oscars last weekend have finally given me the opportunity to cover a topic which has been on my mind for a few weeks now: Lincoln.

What interests me most about Abraham Lincoln is not what he did while he was President. To be sure, his achievements were incredible, and we might live in a very different world had he not been President. However, those kinds of achievements are beyond the reach of most of us. What I find interesting is his outlook on life and the way he conducted himself. 
In the film, we see the approach that comes naturally to most of us in moments of anger and frustration. Thaddeus Stevens, in his speech about whether men are, or are not, created equal says this:
How can I hold that all men are created equal when here before me stands, stinking, the moral carcass of the gentleman from Ohio? Proof that some men are inferior. Endowed by their maker with dim wits, impermeable to reason, with cold pallid slime in their veins instead of hot red blood. You are more reptile than man George, so low and flat that the foot of man is incapable of crushing you.
 
Although an excellent put-down, saying that someone was a lesser man just because he was wrong wasn’t Lincoln’s way. Little more than a month before his assassination, as the end of the Civil War drew close, Lincoln was inaugurated as President for a second time. The War had caused over a million casualties and the hostility between the two parts of the country was obvious. However, Lincoln ended his inauguration speech with this:
With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan – to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.
Perhaps we cannot all aim to bind the wounds of nations but we can act with malice towards none and charity to all. What I find interesting is that Lincoln doesn’t give those who have committed wrongs a free pass. He’s not advocating that the electorate turn the other cheek. No, he’s concerned about having “firmness in the right”. 
If someone is wrong, like those who opposed abolishing slavery, an opposing view will probably not change their minds. That’s human nature. All you can do is uphold your own standards i.e. the “right”. 
What I’m trying to say is that we will all come across those who will infuriate and offend us. They will be wrong to act the way they do. However, the thoughts of those who are wrong should not divert us from what we know is right. 
I’ll leave you with a final thought from Lincoln. This was from his first political announcement:
Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem. How far I shall succeed in gratifying this ambition, is yet to be developed.
I may not end up being arguably the greatest President there has ever been, but if I take any lesson from Lincoln, it will be that it is the respect of my equals – those who share my views of right and wrong and whom I respect – that will determine whether I have been a success or not. The rest is just background noise about which I could not care less.  
Anyway, the Tash. It can only be one man. Triple Oscar winner and the actor who brought Lincoln to the silver screen: Daniel Day-Lewis:

Whatever you’re doing this weekend, I hope you enjoy it. 
For god’s sake, keep going!

Commuter Code of Conduct (Train Ed, 2013)

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Morning Tash Appreciators,

I’ve noticed in the last week or so that it has been much lighter in the mornings. This is good in the sense that its nice to not feel nocturnal but it has a downside. I like to call this downside the amateur commuter. At some points in the summer, amateur commuters make the 7.30 to Waverley look like this:

 

Amateur commuters are those who only take the train every now and again. If they have to take the train, they’ll only do so when the weather is good. The day before, they’ll have described their trip to their colleagues as either being “a nice change” or “a pain in the neck”. I much prefer the latter category. I suppose, therefore, that my wrath is restricted only to those amateurs who look forward to the experience. 

They can be identified by any/all of the following signs:

  1. They’ll be standing looking at the departures board in the station (if you get the train every day you know exactly where you’re going);
  2. They’ll be holding a ticket for which they will be reimbursed; 
  3. They will have a bucket of Starbucks and a muffin/some other sweet confection (if you do it every day you can’t afford those luxuries);
  4. They will have a pal with them (the worst kind of amateur commuter);
  5. They’ll spend ages working out where they want to sit;
  6. They will put their gear (of which there will be a tonne) on the seat next to them;
  7. They’ll phone someone to confirm that they have “finally made it on the train and have found a seat” (the third worst kind of amateur commuter); 
  8. They’ll be awake during the journey;
  9. They’ll have terrible, leaky, earphones (the second worst kind of amateur commuter); and
  10. They’ll be on their feet and heading for the doors 5 minutes before anyone else. 

These folk stand out a mile and this is because, in any particular carriage, there are maybe twenty people who sit in the same place every day. You’ll know who the regular commuters are by looking around the carriage and, if you’re on the phone, talking loudly to a pal or using leaky earphones, all the people who are looking at you do the journey every day. 

If you only get the train every now and again please follow this simple code of conduct:

  1. Do not under any circumstances speak to a distant acquaintance with whom you have not spoken in the last 6 months or more. They do not want to speak to you. A wave is more than sufficient and don’t be offended if you are ignored. Personally, I’d ignore you. 
  2. Do not bring a pal along for the ride. If you do, keep any discussion at a minimum and at a low level. No laughing.
  3. Wait until the last minute to board the train. You’re an amateur, you have no right to a good seat.  
  4. Under no circumstances speak to someone on the phone. No-one wants to hear what “mega deal” you’re closing that day. It’ll wait till 9, idiot. 
  5. Take the window seat if it’s available and keep your gear off the seats. You’re not getting two seats to yourself; accept it. If I see you sitting in the aisle seat with a window seat next to you, I’ll take great pleasure in making you get up to let me in.

The above will sound intolerant and rude. Please don’t take it that way. Commuting is a necessary evil which people adapt to in their own way. For me, I sleep in the morning then either read or watch something on my generic tablet device on the way home. Most other regular commuters find a similar way of chilling out. Therefore, if you don’t do it all the time, have a thought to those who do and leave them in peace. 

If you don’t keep the noise down, you will appear to others like the most annoying man on telly: this week’s Tash, the guy from the Go Compare advert. If he was on my train, he would find himself being compared to a findus lasagne: definitely something which was formerly an mammal but you’ll need to test it at a molecular level before you can tell what it was previously.

 

Have a great weekend folks. 

Keep going!

Never fear, the Tashes are here

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Howdy Tash Appreciators,

This week will be one of TF’s public service announcements. 

As many of those who live in central Glasgow will have heard, the city appears to be in the midst of a crime-wave. In the west-end, a prowler has been assaulting women in broad daylight and the last two weeks at TF central have seen an attempted house break and the kicking in of a front door followed by some poor chap getting battered on a Sunday afternoon. It’s serious stuff, so keep an eye out when you’re out and about. Be particularly careful when staggering home after a couple of Weihenstephan.
When one person at work mentioned her concern at the prospect of walking to and from the train station, the helpful response she received was the question: “what weapon do you carry?”

Although tempting, TF respectfully suggests that packing heat is not the answer to safety on the streets and in the home: that’s just a recipe for getting yourself hurt (n.b. TF knows nothing about personal safety and its views are simply speculation. This email does not amount to advice and does not indicate a duty of care to the reader. If you want to pack heat, you pack it).

Instead, TF suggests that civilians should take care to walk in well-lit, busy areas and ensure that all doors and windows are secured at all times. It also makes a further suggestion: be accompanied at all times by a man with a Tash. 

Have you ever seen a man with a Tash in any kind of peril or on the losing side in a brawl? I strongly doubt it. Even if you have, he’s probably been taken by surprise by another man with a Tash. 

Look at these hard men:

Kurt Russell (and the rest of the cast of Tombstone):

Charles Bronson:

 

Tom Hardy:

 

Daniel Day Lewis:

The evidence is compelling. If you’re ever in strife, don’t pull a knife or other weapon; call a bloke with a Tash. 

Have a nice – safe – weekend folks!

Keep going!

We could be heroes

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Hello Tash Appreciators,

This will be the second to last TF of what is, incredibly, Tash Friday’s second year.

Earlier this week, I had a look back at what I said around this time last year. As some of you may recall, last year’s festive TFs looked at Christmases Past, Present and Future.

In the final TF of 2011, I said this:

With the Tash of Christmas Future, I hope that we can all look ahead to the things that can be achieved or, more excitingly, attempted. After all, it is only by pushing ourselves beyond what we perceive as our capabilities that we can really test our mettle. It’s also at these times that we tend to find that we are capable of doing more, and going further, than we thought possible.

If you look back at 2012 you can see numerous examples of people who did just that:

Closer to home, 2012 has seen numerous new jobs (100% decrease in unemployment among Tash Appreciators); new houses; exotic holidays; an engagement or two; weddings; and what would appear to be, in the main, relative contentment.Friday morning rhetoric about getting stuck in, aiming higher than just an “acceptable” level and about life being too short is one thing but it looks very much like this year exceeded expectations. If we had sat down a year ago, and recorded our hopes for the year, would we have thought ourselves too ambitious by suggesting that all of the above would happen? Yes, is probably the answer.

The question we therefore have to ask ourselves is: what’s next?

We must be ambitious, enthusiastic, vigorous and determined. The coming year will not bring financial prosperity for the nation or even, dare I say it, any indication that we’re on the right track towards it. However, this year has shown we can do just fine; even in times of relative hardship. Onwards and upwards must be our battle-cry!

So that leaves us with this week’s Tash. Serendipitously, Bowie just faded into my earphones and so, with the words “just for one day…” ringing in my ears, I leave you with this week’s Tash (from the excellent movie The Prestige), David Bowie:

See you next week for the end of year/world edition…Cheers.

The apparel oft proclaims the man.

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Hello Tash Appreciators,

The opening sequence of the superb new James Bond film (fear not, this is not a spoiler) includes Mr Bond driving and running round an exotic city in an effort to track down a baddie. Standard Bond fare. 
What is perhaps slightly unusual is the fact that he did all the driving, running and, latterly, train-based brawling, in an expensive suit complete with resplendent white shirt (tucked in, of course) and perfectly knotted tie:
James Bond has always been partial to excellent suits but the fact that he was dishing out knuckle sandwiches and muay tai kicks while in a suit and tie was impressive. It’s possibly because one must maintain standards while representing Her Majesty’s intelligence services but it’s more likely that he just likes looking smart.
To tie or not to tie, is a constant debate amongst chaps. Some adopt the (hypocritical) Jeremy Paxman approach: 
“It [the tie] has always been an utterly useless part of the male wardrobe. But now, it seems to me, the only people who wear the things daily are male politicians, the male reporters who interview them – and dodgy estate agents.”

Others, however, take the ZZ Top approach and choose their wardrobe with this mantra ringing in their ears:
“Clean shirt, new shoes
And I don’t know where I am goin’ to.
Silk suit, black tie,
I don’t need a reason why.
They come runnin’ just as fast as they can
Coz’ every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.”
The question of whether to wear a tie or not can be a difficult one. For example, ahead of a recent family occasion, this Tash Appreciator had exactly that choice. Ultimately it came down to remembering that one should never be ashamed of looking too fly*.

It is surely not in doubt that wearing a tie is the way to go if you need to look smart. Anyone who disagrees need only watch a couple of episodes of Mad Men:
Of course, there is also a place for an open-neck look. It’s arguably more comfortable and has become the norm in most work places. However, when you lose the tie, you should consider making up for that loss in other ways. That’s where this week’s Tash comes in. 

If you decide that you’re tired of being a square and want to be a bit radical then you should go all out. This week’s Tash undoes at least the top two buttons of his shirts (often three!!), has long hair and the best Tash in modern rock and roll. Gents, if you don’t wear a tie, this is the only way to look fly:


Have a fantastic weekend folks!
Cheers.
*That is a lie. Threats were made and for the sake of a quiet life a tie was worn. Ultimately, if it’s a choice between looking over-dressed or having a quiet life, we all know which way a man will go.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

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Salut Tash Appreciators,

There have been a couple of requests for TF’s views on Lance Armstrong and his fall from grace. In short, it’s been as if the curtain has fallen and he has been exposed as being what he really is – ordinary. It’s a bit like the Wizard of Oz:

There are some similarities between the impact that Armstrong’s story has had on cycling fans (and maybe everyone else, too) and the stages of grief. Even those involved in the sport were in denial about what was going on.  They deluded themselves into believing that he was superhuman. Then came anger at the realisation of what he had done; bargaining (“they were all at it!”); depression (“the sport will never recover”); and finally, acceptance. 

For those who follow cycling, the evidence against Armstrong has been known for a while. We are therefore mostly well on the way to acceptance (although we won’t wear our Livestrong T-shirts or jerseys ever again). The sport itself is dealing with doping and we’ll need to wait and see if the new clean policies of team directors have a positive impact. Like in all walks of life, there will always be those who seek to gain an unfair advantage, but the important thing is that the people at the top are doing the right thing.

Armstrong’s story is also a good metaphor for the last decade or so. He won an unprecedented 7 Tours between 1999 and 2005, just a year or two after he defeated cancer. His story, and the incredible things he did every July for seven years, caused most of us to believe he was special and that the conventional rules of physiology didn’t apply to him. 

That matched our attitude to most things at the time. We were at the peak of our powers: house prices were seemingly on a never-ending rise; wages were increasing; there was no end to economic prosperity in sight. 

Both in sport and economics, we were obviously wrong. However, on the upside, the recession, and now the Armstrong scandal, has left us with a healthy cynicism. 
There was a fantastic article in a cycling magazine during the summer which questioned why everything about Armstrong was coming out now. It’s explanation was that we used to believe in fairy stories and drink in the impossible. To use a Scottish analogy, it was like we were bevvying hard on a Saturday night, having the time of our lives but thinking that by some miracle a couple of pints of water before going to mitigate would mitigate the hangover the next day… Or that  all the partying wasn’t having an impact on our bank balances. But now we ask more questions.
There’s been a realisation that if something is too good to be true, then it probably is. That can only be a good thing. The more we question and evaluate what’s going on, the more we can influence things. This started with billion dollar enterprises being exposed as nothing more than fancy algorithms/classic frauds disguised in glossy branding and false-promises. Now all the curtains are beginning to fall and the “Wizards” are being exposed as what they always were – men in suits using smoke and mirrors. 
To put that to the test, have a look at this week’s Tash. It’s Ben Stiller in Anchorman and his Tash is just outstanding. But is it real? TF knows the answer, but what do your instincts tell you?
Have a cracking weekend folks!