Usual Service Resumes

Posted on April 25, 2013 by tashfriday

Guten tag Tash Appreciators,

The last few weeks have been a little “heavy” (i.e. boring) so, this week, TF is going to keep it simple with some good old fashioned Tash related fun.

I was watching the champions league this week (confirmation, if it was needed, that the premier league is not the greatest league in the world) and it reminded me of, firstly, a superb German football related Tash and then, secondly, that football is a rich source of Tash related material.

Obviously, there can only be one starting point; Rudi Völler:

Interestingly, in this week of footballers behaving badly (again), Herr Völler was also a party to a bit of rather poor behaviour. What makes this even more shocking is that the perpetrator, Frank Rijkaard, was also rocking a Tash at the time:

Many of the better footballing Tashes seem to have come from Liverpool players in the seventies who, I assume, chose to wear one in an effort to look even more menacing than they already were. From my in-depth research into the subject, Tommy Smith looks the most likely to break some knee-caps:

Unfortunately, footballers these days seem to be more concerned with their hair than looking like they could/would break your legs if you dared to even attempt to score. There are one or two kicking about (pun intended) but perhaps Michael Ballack’s strangely forlorn attempt is the reason why the fashionistas of the current footballing generation have left the Tash behind:

Have a great weekend folks!

Keep going!

Posted on April 18, 2013 by tashfriday

Buenos Dias Tash Appreciators,

For one reason or another, targets have been on my mind this week. For example, scenes like this got me thinking:

I use a train service which runs every 15 minutes. However, a couple of times this week (this very moment being one of them) the train I have been waiting for has been 20 minutes late.

Thankfully, the train company has a helpful app to keep me up-to-date with developments. Strangely, the app says the train has been cancelled but the board on the platform says it’s just delayed and the announcer says the train “is approaching the platform”. The station announcer is clearly lying. The train I was initially waiting for isn’t approaching the platform and it’s not delayed. What’s really happening is that my train has been cancelled and the train which was due after it is 5 minutes late.

The reason for this lie is that the rail company has targets to meet and if it fails to meet those targets the company will be fined. The reason there are targets is that when the rail system was privatised, consumers were told that strict standards would be imposed upon the companies who won the rights to operate the routes. It’s therefore in the operator’s interest to claim that the train is late rather than admit what’s really going on.

Last year, this particular operator was fined £374,000 for failing to meet the required standards of service. When this was announced, both the operator and the Government hailed it as a triumph: this was the third drop in fines in a row and standards must therefore be getting higher.

The problem is that there’s a disconnect between the result of the target being hit and what the customer actually wants: a service that runs on time, has plenty of seats and doesn’t cost the earth. I don’t blame the operator; they’re hitting their targets. The blame, in my opinion, rests with the Government in setting targets that can be so easily manipulated.

If you want a target which has some meaning, you have to set parameters which are appropriate for what you’re measuring. For example, spring will see many of you working out your annual targets for the coming year. If you’re in sales, your target will be to sell X number of products; if you’re in manufacturing, your target will be to make Y number of products; and if you’re in the service industry, your target will be to deliver Z services.

But that’s too simplistic. The target also has to be realistic and balanced. To continue with trains, I don’t expect every train to be on time. The weather is poor today so I understand that the train might be late. The target therefore can’t just be about delivering the service. Other factors have to be considered too, such as whether the customer is happy and whether the service is of a decent quality. Targets shouldn’t be just figures.

Even though I use this train service five days a week for about 46 weeks of the year, I’ve never been asked what I think about it . Surely, it’s the customers’ views that should be the ultimate barometer of whether it’s a good service or not. I think that’s something that gets lost these days; particularly when companies and the public sector are struggling for cash. After all, if the customer isn’t happy, what are we all doing?

To the Tash! A man who always hit his target and who always keeps his customers (“the poor”) happy: it’s Robin Hood:

Until next week…

Keep going!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Posted on April 11, 2013 by tashfriday

Morning Tash Appreciators,

Firstly, following many complaints, may I take this opportunity to apologise for the lack of a Tash last week. It was a fundamental error for which there is no excuse. Disciplinary measures have been taken and heads are rolling around TF HQ. This both fits in with last week’s TF and also is simply a cracker:

Now, to business.

TF cannot ignore the death of Baroness Thatcher or the debate about the celebrations which took place on twitter and in cities across the country. TF is of course neutral when it comes to politics and this allows the chance to sit back and look at the reactions of both “the right” and “the left”. In a way, it’s nice to see a difference between the two for a change.

Rather than criticising either “side”, it might be useful to simply suggest an alternative to the kind of “debate” which we currently seem to have about every issue of importance. I came across an article in The Scotsman from January this year written by John Sturrock QC (one of the country’s leading mediators) in which he suggests a protocol upon which to promote a productive debate of the issue of Scottish independence. The protocol is equally applicable to politics (and life) in general. He says this:

Under pressure, it is all too easy to default back into reactive or defensive mode, allowing emotion to predominate over more reasoned and measured responses. But nobody gains if antagonism prevails.

In an attempt to encourage a more constructive debate, he goes on to suggest that we agree to the following:

Listen carefully to all points of view and seek fully to understand what concerns and motivates those with differing views from our own;
Acknowledge that there are many points of view and that these have validity alongside our own;
Show respect and courtesy to all individuals and organisations, whatever views they may hold and however they may express them;
Express our own views clearly and honestly with transparency about our motives and our interests;
Use language carefully and avoid personal or other remarks which might cause unnecessary offence;
Ask questions if we do not understand what others are saying or proposing;
Respond to questions asked of us with clarity and openness;
Support what we say with clear and credible information wherever that is available.

It’s a simple solution but it’s also one which would require a bit of determination to see to the end. After all, many of us (including myself) have a pre-disposition to lose objectivity when debating something which is important to us.

I’ll only single out one person for criticism in light of this week’s events. It pains me to do it as he has rocked a Tash in the past (and his appearance before the US Senate was absolutely tremendous) but he really could do with learning a lesson in sensible and useful debate. I am talking about George Galloway MP:

Mr Galloway is a member of the Respect Party. However, I fear the foundations upon which the party were built have been washed away; perhaps by all the Bollinger he was drinking to celebrate the death of Baroness Thatcher. This is part of an emerging pattern: he recently left a debate at the Oxford Union simply because his opponent (a student) was Israeli. Mr Galloway says that he “does not debate with Israelis”.

In the wake of Baroness Thatchers death, he said on twitter “tramp the dirt down”. Do we really need that? Is it not enough to simply disagree with someone? In the spirit of debate, I’ll let you all decide.

Have a great weekend folks!

Keep going!

Hell of the North

Posted on April 4, 2013 by tashfriday

Morning Tash Appreciators,

I was out and about over the weekend and there seemed to be loads more runners and cyclists than usual. Maybe folk are trying to get in shape for the summer. Or maybe they just thought the weather was decent for the first time in months! Either way, many of them appeared to be suffering.

Spring has long been the time when people get their act together and start becoming a bit more active. Whether it’s spring cleaning or getting some exercise in, it’s like the sun gives everyone a bit more energy.

When folk first start getting out on the roads or down the gym, the first few sessions will be the worst. People will generally feel like they’re going to throw up or that their limbs have turned to jelly.

Thankfully, it’s the same for everyone, even pro athletes. For example, the cycling season started a month or two ago but the first few races were in exotic locations with pristine roads and comfortable temperatures. They weren’t real races. Now though, the season has moved on to Belgium for the spring classics and the real races have begun.

These most recent races have seen dozens of cyclists abandon due to lack of fitness but there have been some incredible performances. In last week’s Tour of Flanders (a one-day monster where the riders tackle the same 20% hill six times) Fabien “Spartacus” Cancellara rode away from the rest of the field after 150 miles with pure will-power and determination. Look at the expression on his face:

This weekend sees the biggest race of the spring: Paris-Roubaix, also known as Hell of the North. Team-mates will not help in this race – the cobbled roads (yes, for large sections of the race the riders will be going at 20+ mph over cobbles) mean its every man for himself. Strong men end up looking like this:

The point is, it’s all relative. These boys will cover 157 miles in a little over 6 hours. However, the pain they suffer is no different to that of you or I as we pound the pavements or brave the pot-holed roads.

For example, Nike released an advert a couple of weeks ago about an overweight boy who decided to lose weight and took up running:

s there any difference between his pain and the pain of the guys doing Paris-Roubaix? Yes, the cyclists are being paid big bucks and have thousands of people cheering them on; it’s much harder to put the hours in on your own.

If you’re getting out and about this spring, TF salutes you.

Have a great weekend folks!

Keep going!

Dance, dance, dance the night away

Posted on March 21, 2013 by tashfriday

Morning Tash Appreciators,

I was able to see Argo earlier this week and see for myself what all the fuss was about.

I’m not convinced that it deserved the Oscar for film of the year but if there was an Oscar for best Tash of the year (and if there isn’t, there should be!) then Argo wins hands down. Look at these belters:

The part I most enjoyed about Argo was the use of “Dance The Night Away” by Van Halen. Some of you will be aware of my penchant for cutting transcendental moves on the dance floor so not only does the message of the song appeal but it’s also very catchy.

Catchy, it’s not the most complimentary word to use when describing a song. However, for most of these monster 80s rock ballads, that’s about the measure of them: good fun but not the critics’ choice.

Interestingly, Argo is set right on the cusp of the 80s: when mainstream rock music started to move away from the classic” bands towards more pop based fare. And as pop-rock rose, the mighty Tash started to decline. Within a year or two, bands that had members who looked like this:

Started having to compete with bands whose members looked more like this:

Both are good but torn tiger-print leggings aren’t my thing… yet.

Have a great weekend folks.

Keep going!

Don’t ever let them see you coming

Posted on March 14, 2013 by tashfriday

Hola Tash Appreciators,

Some of you will no doubt have seen Barcelona’s superlative performance against AC Milan on Tuesday night. For those who didn’t, Barca were two-nil down following the first of a two-leg tie but then won four-nil on Tuesday to go through to the next stage of the Champions League.

Football fans love to talk about the Barcelona team’s skill and style of play (Tuesday was a shining example of both) but TF is more interested the manner of their win rather than the method.

After David Villa scored Barcelona’s third, crucial, goal, he celebrated like this:

The picture perhaps doesn’t do it justice but as I was watching it live I thought that it was the celebration of a man who just loved the game. He’s not celebrating with the fans and he doesn’t really acknowledge the 96,000 Catalans who are cheering their approval; he just seems delighted to have scored an important goal for his team after a long spell of poor form and injury.

The differences between AC milan’s players and the Barcelona players are interesting. Many of the Milan players have outrageous haircuts and obviously care a great deal about how they look on the pitch. For example, the worst look of the season goes to Milan’s El Shaarawy:

On the other hand, Barcelona seem to be more about substance. Lionel Messi doesn’t have a fancy haircut. More than that, he looks like (and seems to genuinely be) just like any other guy you’d see walking down the street.

I’m reminded of Al Pacino in Devil’s Advocate when he’s telling his young protege how to act in the big city:

“Don’t get too cocky my boy. No matter how good you are don’t ever let them see you coming. That’s the gaffe my friend. You gotta keep yourself small. Innocuous. Be the little guy.”

I’ve got a lot of time for that attitude. If you’re out and about these days, you’ll see many people wearing expensive clothes and driving flash cars. You’ll see folk spending huge amounts of money on champagne in clubs (or, as TF calls them, discotheques) and buying bottles of over-priced vodka with sparklers attached. All, presumably, in an effort to make themselves look more successful, smarter etc than they perhaps are. If it were me, I’d rather be under-estimated than fail to live up to the hype. Ask the AC Milan boys – “style” only gets you so far.

I’m also reminded of this week’s Tash. In one of his many movies, he played the role of a high school basketball coach. When talking to his team about having a bit of class and not being too showy on the court, he said this:

“Since when is winning not enough, playing hard not enough?”

This week’s Tash is Richmond High’s very own Coach Carter:

Have a great weekend folks!

Keep going.

Oh Indeed…

Posted on March 7, 2013 by tashfriday

Morning Tash Appreciators,

I was watching the American Office this week when a new boss appeared to ruin Michael’s fun:

That’s Idris Elba and he’s best known for his role in The Wire as the gangster-turned-economics-student, Stringer Bell.

Despite having a superb Tash, Stringer is not a nice guy. It’s not a plot spoiler to say that he’s a murdering drug dealer who is driven only by cash. However, he’s not an entirely dislikable character.

The same goes for one of Stringer’s enemies: Omar Little. He’s also a murderer but, rather than dealing drugs, he steals them and sells them to other gangsters. Although, on paper, he’s as bad a man as Stringer, in many ways he’s the hero of the show. Why? Because, in his words, “a man needs a code”, and he lives by his. He doesn’t hurt civilians and he takes his grandma to church on Sundays. That being said, if you saw him in the street you wouldn’t necessarily know that he’s a man of high morals:

The real villains of the show don’t physically hurt anyone. On the contrary, they hold themselves out as being the saviours of the poor people of Baltimore. Unfortunately, they are greedy, conniving, duplicitous and altogether rather unpleasant. Here’s one of them:

That’s Senator Clay Davis. Yes, you got it, it’s the politicians who do the real damage. This is another example of Tash being rocked by a baddie. Clay Davis, and the other politicians in the show, don’t have a code in the same way as Omar; they’re out for power rather than just money and so they’re not as predictable as Stringer. Not only this, but they’re meant to represent the people and so the damage they do is far greater.

The work of David Simon, the creator of The Wire, is known for being true to real life; he researches everything meticulously. I’m not suggesting that the real Senator for Maryland accepts bribes the same way clay Davis does but I bet that Simon had someone in mind when he wrote the character.

In this country, I don’t think our politicians are any better. They serve their own purposes, no-one else’s. For example, Theresa May is apparently set to announce plans to take the UK out of the European Convention on Human Rights.

She’s not doing this because she doesn’t agree with the legislation (the right to free speech – which I’m using here – is, I understand, generally thought to be worth having), she just wants the votes that the Tories are losing to the “latent racism party” (aka UKIP). Our Home Secretary cares more about votes than she does the fundamental rights of citizens. I could go on about the rest of our right-honourable representatives, but I won’t for the moment.

Give me Omar and his code any day. At least if Omar was Home Secretary, we civilians would be safe…

Have a good weekend folks.

Keep going!

Firmness in the right

Posted on February 28, 2013 by tashfriday

Morning Tash Appreciators,

The Oscars last weekend have finally given me the opportunity to cover a topic which has been on my mind for a few weeks now: Lincoln.

What interests me most about Abraham Lincoln is not what he did while he was President. To be sure, his achievements were incredible, and we might live in a very different world had he not been President. However, those kinds of achievements are beyond the reach of most of us. What I find interesting is his outlook on life and the way he conducted himself.

In the film, we see the approach that comes naturally to most of us in moments of anger and frustration. Thaddeus Stevens, in his speech about whether men are, or are not, created equal says this:

How can I hold that all men are created equal when here before me stands, stinking, the moral carcass of the gentleman from Ohio? Proof that some men are inferior. Endowed by their maker with dim wits, impermeable to reason, with cold pallid slime in their veins instead of hot red blood. You are more reptile than man George, so low and flat that the foot of man is incapable of crushing you.

Although an excellent put-down, saying that someone was a lesser man just because he was wrong wasn’t Lincoln’s way. Little more than a month before his assassination, as the end of the Civil War drew close, Lincoln was inaugurated as President for a second time. The War had caused over a million casualties and the hostility between the two parts of the country was obvious. However, Lincoln ended his inauguration speech with this:

With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan – to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.

Perhaps we cannot all aim to bind the wounds of nations but we can act with malice towards none and charity to all. What I find interesting is that Lincoln doesn’t give those who have committed wrongs a free pass. He’s not advocating that the electorate turn the other cheek. No, he’s concerned about having “firmness in the right”.

If someone is wrong, like those who opposed abolishing slavery, an opposing view will probably not change their minds. That’s human nature. All you can do is uphold your own standards i.e. the “right”.

What I’m trying to say is that we will all come across those who will infuriate and offend us. They will be wrong to act the way they do. However, the thoughts of those who are wrong should not divert us from what we know is right.

I’ll leave you with a final thought from Lincoln. This was from his first political announcement:

Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem. How far I shall succeed in gratifying this ambition, is yet to be developed.

I may not end up being arguably the greatest President there has ever been, but if I take any lesson from Lincoln, it will be that it is the respect of my equals – those who share my views of right and wrong and whom I respect – that will determine whether I have been a success or not. The rest is just background noise about which I could not care less.

Anyway, the Tash. It can only be one man. Triple Oscar winner and the actor who brought Lincoln to the silver screen: Daniel Day-Lewis:

Whatever you’re doing this weekend, I hope you enjoy it.

For god’s sake, keep going!

Commuter Code of Conduct (Train Ed, 2013)

Posted on February 21, 2013 by tashfriday

Morning Tash Appreciators,

I’ve noticed in the last week or so that it has been much lighter in the mornings. This is good in the sense that its nice to not feel nocturnal but it has a downside. I like to call this downside the amateur commuter. At some points in the summer, amateur commuters make the 7.30 to Waverley look like this:

Amateur commuters are those who only take the train every now and again. If they have to take the train, they’ll only do so when the weather is good. The day before, they’ll have described their trip to their colleagues as either being “a nice change” or “a pain in the neck”. I much prefer the latter category. I suppose, therefore, that my wrath is restricted only to those amateurs who look forward to the experience.

They can be identified by any/all of the following signs:

They’ll be standing looking at the departures board in the station (if you get the train every day you know exactly where you’re going);
They’ll be holding a ticket for which they will be reimbursed;
They will have a bucket of Starbucks and a muffin/some other sweet confection (if you do it every day you can’t afford those luxuries);
They will have a pal with them (the worst kind of amateur commuter);
They’ll spend ages working out where they want to sit;
They will put their gear (of which there will be a tonne) on the seat next to them;
They’ll phone someone to confirm that they have “finally made it on the train and have found a seat” (the third worst kind of amateur commuter);
They’ll be awake during the journey;
They’ll have terrible, leaky, earphones (the second worst kind of amateur commuter); and
They’ll be on their feet and heading for the doors 5 minutes before anyone else.

These folk stand out a mile and this is because, in any particular carriage, there are maybe twenty people who sit in the same place every day. You’ll know who the regular commuters are by looking around the carriage and, if you’re on the phone, talking loudly to a pal or using leaky earphones, all the people who are looking at you do the journey every day.

If you only get the train every now and again please follow this simple code of conduct:

Do not under any circumstances speak to a distant acquaintance with whom you have not spoken in the last 6 months or more. They do not want to speak to you. A wave is more than sufficient and don’t be offended if you are ignored. Personally, I’d ignore you.
Do not bring a pal along for the ride. If you do, keep any discussion at a minimum and at a low level. No laughing.
Wait until the last minute to board the train. You’re an amateur, you have no right to a good seat.
Under no circumstances speak to someone on the phone. No-one wants to hear what “mega deal” you’re closing that day. It’ll wait till 9, idiot.
Take the window seat if it’s available and keep your gear off the seats. You’re not getting two seats to yourself; accept it. If I see you sitting in the aisle seat with a window seat next to you, I’ll take great pleasure in making you get up to let me in.

The above will sound intolerant and rude. Please don’t take it that way. Commuting is a necessary evil which people adapt to in their own way. For me, I sleep in the morning then either read or watch something on my generic tablet device on the way home. Most other regular commuters find a similar way of chilling out. Therefore, if you don’t do it all the time, have a thought to those who do and leave them in peace.

If you don’t keep the noise down, you will appear to others like the most annoying man on telly: this week’s Tash, the guy from the Go Compare advert. If he was on my train, he would find himself being compared to a findus lasagne: definitely something which was formerly an mammal but you’ll need to test it at a molecular level before you can tell what it was previously.

Have a great weekend folks.

Keep going!

Never fear, the Tashes are here

Posted on February 7, 2013 by tashfriday

Howdy Tash Appreciators,

This week will be one of TF’s public service announcements.

As many of those who live in central Glasgow will have heard, the city appears to be in the midst of a crime-wave. In the west-end, a prowler has been assaulting women in broad daylight and the last two weeks at TF central have seen an attempted house break and the kicking in of a front door followed by some poor chap getting battered on a Sunday afternoon. It’s serious stuff, so keep an eye out when you’re out and about. Be particularly careful when staggering home after a couple of Weihenstephan.

When one person at work mentioned her concern at the prospect of walking to and from the train station, the helpful response she received was the question: “what weapon do you carry?”

Although tempting, TF respectfully suggests that packing heat is not the answer to safety on the streets and in the home: that’s just a recipe for getting yourself hurt (n.b. TF knows nothing about personal safety and its views are simply speculation. This email does not amount to advice and does not indicate a duty of care to the reader. If you want to pack heat, you pack it).

Instead, TF suggests that civilians should take care to walk in well-lit, busy areas and ensure that all doors and windows are secured at all times. It also makes a further suggestion: be accompanied at all times by a man with a Tash.

Have you ever seen a man with a Tash in any kind of peril or on the losing side in a brawl? I strongly doubt it. Even if you have, he’s probably been taken by surprise by another man with a Tash.

Look at these hard men:

Kurt Russell (and the rest of the cast of Tombstone):