The apparel oft proclaims the man.

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Hello Tash Appreciators,

The opening sequence of the superb new James Bond film (fear not, this is not a spoiler) includes Mr Bond driving and running round an exotic city in an effort to track down a baddie. Standard Bond fare. 
What is perhaps slightly unusual is the fact that he did all the driving, running and, latterly, train-based brawling, in an expensive suit complete with resplendent white shirt (tucked in, of course) and perfectly knotted tie:
James Bond has always been partial to excellent suits but the fact that he was dishing out knuckle sandwiches and muay tai kicks while in a suit and tie was impressive. It’s possibly because one must maintain standards while representing Her Majesty’s intelligence services but it’s more likely that he just likes looking smart.
To tie or not to tie, is a constant debate amongst chaps. Some adopt the (hypocritical) Jeremy Paxman approach: 
“It [the tie] has always been an utterly useless part of the male wardrobe. But now, it seems to me, the only people who wear the things daily are male politicians, the male reporters who interview them – and dodgy estate agents.”

Others, however, take the ZZ Top approach and choose their wardrobe with this mantra ringing in their ears:
“Clean shirt, new shoes
And I don’t know where I am goin’ to.
Silk suit, black tie,
I don’t need a reason why.
They come runnin’ just as fast as they can
Coz’ every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.”
The question of whether to wear a tie or not can be a difficult one. For example, ahead of a recent family occasion, this Tash Appreciator had exactly that choice. Ultimately it came down to remembering that one should never be ashamed of looking too fly*.

It is surely not in doubt that wearing a tie is the way to go if you need to look smart. Anyone who disagrees need only watch a couple of episodes of Mad Men:
Of course, there is also a place for an open-neck look. It’s arguably more comfortable and has become the norm in most work places. However, when you lose the tie, you should consider making up for that loss in other ways. That’s where this week’s Tash comes in. 

If you decide that you’re tired of being a square and want to be a bit radical then you should go all out. This week’s Tash undoes at least the top two buttons of his shirts (often three!!), has long hair and the best Tash in modern rock and roll. Gents, if you don’t wear a tie, this is the only way to look fly:


Have a fantastic weekend folks!
Cheers.
*That is a lie. Threats were made and for the sake of a quiet life a tie was worn. Ultimately, if it’s a choice between looking over-dressed or having a quiet life, we all know which way a man will go.

Oppan Gangnam Style

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안녕 Tash Appreciators,

It’s Friday again!

Here at TF, we like to cover current affairs. Sometimes this can lead to fairly heavy content,so we also like to mix it up a bit. This week, we’re starting with this chap:


No, not the guy on the left, that’s only the Secretary-General of the UN, Ban Ki Moon!  It’s the man on the right we’re interested in. His name is Psy, a Korean popstar, and he’s teaching his dance to one of the most important men in the world.
The dance is taking the world by storm. The video for Psy’s song, “Gangnam Style”, has over 530 million views on youtube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0) and you’ll see people cutting that particular shape in discotheques everywhere from Paisley to Psy’s home-town, Seoul. You’ll even see some people doing it down the aisles of their local supermarket, but that’s another story. 
The point is that you will all need to know how to do the dance as it is/is going to be the next Macarena. TF always tries to be informative and so below is a handy guide to the dance. If you follow these simple steps, you’ll be able to tear the dance floor up with the best of ‘em:
If you have any problems, ask the nearest hipster/person under 25. They’ll be able to help you out. 
Psy is the latest in a long line of cracking Korean exports but he’s the first to really hit the jackpot. You’ll hear more about Korean exports in the years to come, particularly if you go to the cinema a lot. In 2003 for example, a Korean film by the name of “Oldboy” was released and the plot was…unusual. That’s all we’ll say about it as it’s now being re-made for a Western audience (i.e. without subtitles) and the remake’s star is this week’s Tash:
That’s Josh Brolin in No Country For Old Men (another belter of a film). We can only hope he rocks a similarly superlative Tash in Oldboy.
Have a fantastic weekend folks, try to do it Gangnam Style.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

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Salut Tash Appreciators,

There have been a couple of requests for TF’s views on Lance Armstrong and his fall from grace. In short, it’s been as if the curtain has fallen and he has been exposed as being what he really is – ordinary. It’s a bit like the Wizard of Oz:

There are some similarities between the impact that Armstrong’s story has had on cycling fans (and maybe everyone else, too) and the stages of grief. Even those involved in the sport were in denial about what was going on.  They deluded themselves into believing that he was superhuman. Then came anger at the realisation of what he had done; bargaining (“they were all at it!”); depression (“the sport will never recover”); and finally, acceptance. 

For those who follow cycling, the evidence against Armstrong has been known for a while. We are therefore mostly well on the way to acceptance (although we won’t wear our Livestrong T-shirts or jerseys ever again). The sport itself is dealing with doping and we’ll need to wait and see if the new clean policies of team directors have a positive impact. Like in all walks of life, there will always be those who seek to gain an unfair advantage, but the important thing is that the people at the top are doing the right thing.

Armstrong’s story is also a good metaphor for the last decade or so. He won an unprecedented 7 Tours between 1999 and 2005, just a year or two after he defeated cancer. His story, and the incredible things he did every July for seven years, caused most of us to believe he was special and that the conventional rules of physiology didn’t apply to him. 

That matched our attitude to most things at the time. We were at the peak of our powers: house prices were seemingly on a never-ending rise; wages were increasing; there was no end to economic prosperity in sight. 

Both in sport and economics, we were obviously wrong. However, on the upside, the recession, and now the Armstrong scandal, has left us with a healthy cynicism. 
There was a fantastic article in a cycling magazine during the summer which questioned why everything about Armstrong was coming out now. It’s explanation was that we used to believe in fairy stories and drink in the impossible. To use a Scottish analogy, it was like we were bevvying hard on a Saturday night, having the time of our lives but thinking that by some miracle a couple of pints of water before going to mitigate would mitigate the hangover the next day… Or that  all the partying wasn’t having an impact on our bank balances. But now we ask more questions.
There’s been a realisation that if something is too good to be true, then it probably is. That can only be a good thing. The more we question and evaluate what’s going on, the more we can influence things. This started with billion dollar enterprises being exposed as nothing more than fancy algorithms/classic frauds disguised in glossy branding and false-promises. Now all the curtains are beginning to fall and the “Wizards” are being exposed as what they always were – men in suits using smoke and mirrors. 
To put that to the test, have a look at this week’s Tash. It’s Ben Stiller in Anchorman and his Tash is just outstanding. But is it real? TF knows the answer, but what do your instincts tell you?
Have a cracking weekend folks!
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Hello Tash Appreciators,

This week’s TF was all set up to be about the moment on 12 October 1492, 520 years ago today, when Christopher Columbus “discovered” the New World. 

It was going to be great. It was going to include interesting facts about how Columbus thought he’d found an alternate route to India (what a silly billy); about how the Conquistadors that followed got up to tonnes of bad stuff in South America; and that the word Conquistador (a fantastic word) derives from the word Reconquista, which was the name of the long-running war between the Christian Kings of Spain and Portugal and the conquering Muslim armies over the Iberian Peninsula . By coincidence, that war also ended in 1492. 

But after the response to last week’s TF, you’re not getting any of that. There were taunts of TF being too serious; accusations that it had forgotten its roots; and questions regarding whether TF had been taken over by the Reds/Ruskies. 

TF is a real democracy – not a democratic socialist republic! – and to that end we’re going auld-school this week. TF was originally a way of bringing men and women together in a common appreciation of the moustache and this week’s Tash is a chap who’s admired by both sexes.

He’s a real hero; a real human being. Whether he’s playing Noah (not that one, apparently) and restoring a 200 year old house for his up-town girl; or playing a bad-ass getaway driver/killer; or even in his excellent band, he’s one “kool kat”.
Ladies know him as looking this:
This will be familiar to the lads:


But as far as TF is concerned, this is the only incarnation that matters:


Ryan Gosling – what a guy!
Tell your friends that Tash Friday can cover all the bases and, to use the modern vernacular, has #stillgotit. 
Have a fantastic weekend folks!

History repeats itself: first as tragedy, second as farce.

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Bonjour Tash Appreciators!

The BBC has just finished a mini-series about the “Masters of Money”. It was in three parts and covered the theories of Keynes, Hayek and Marx. The facial hair alone tells you they’re interesting:

John Maynard Keynes:
Friedrich Hayek:
Karl Marx:
The point of the programme seemed to be that the problems with the economy are more complicated than just stimulus v. austerity. Apparently both have advantages and disadvantages. Whoddathunk. It also followed the current political agenda whereby the issues that no-one wants to discuss are ignored and we just argue about whether history tells us to spend or save in times of economic strife. The main subject of this debate, the Wall Street crash, followed years of hardship, not the most prosperous time in human history. It’s arguably not all that relevant and by focussing on it we ignore other issues where debate might be useful.
One area where there is no debate is the seemingly unchallenged view that benefits for those who can’t be bothered working should be cut. “One Nation”/”The Big Society” apparently means a choice between working for crap money or being left to fend for yourself. It’s maybe an attractive idea to cut benefits altogether but, if you look back in time, we’ve been there and done that – it doesn’t work. 
Back in the 19th century, politicians weren’t as media-savy and they said exactly what they were doing. Just like today, they tried to split the poor (those on benefits today) into the deserving and undeserving. The deserving got help from their local parishes (local authorities today) while the undeserving were sent to the poor house (prison today). Things only changed when Rowantree and the other enlightened men of the time took matters into their own hands and provided jobs in newly invented factories.  There followed an industrial revolution and Britain’s economy led the world.
Another example where the UK is possibly blinkered is the EU. You can expect to be laughed at if you even mutter the word “federalism”. Again, if you look at the 19th and 20th centuries, history tells us that we are infinitely better off together than apart. I seem to recall a similar scepticism across the Pond but, if you forget the Civil War, that worked out pretty well. 
There are other examples of us ignoring history but you get the picture. What we do next is a tough decision, but we do ourselves no favours by allowing the debate to boil down to spend v. save. We’ve been dragged into circular arguments about narrow issues when we should be thinking on a macro scale – like Marx – and actually having a useful debate. Over to you to work out what you think.
Have a great weekend folks,
Cheers

What would Miguel do?

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Hola Tash Appreciators,

It’s another glorious Friday! For the Rt Hon Andrew Mitchell MP, it couldn’t come quickly enough. This one’s for you, Mitcho:

As I’m sure most of you will have heard, Mr Mitchell (the fully grown man pictured above with a wicker basket on his bike) has been accused of verbally abusing several police officers outside Downing Street. Amongst other things, he is said to have called them “f****** plebs”. 

If you haven’t read the police report, it’s here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/conservative/9564006/In-full-Police-log-detailing-Andrew-Mitchells-pleb-rant.html The part about him repeatedly saying he’s the Chief Whip is particularly good. 

As far as I can tell, being Chief Whip essentially means being one of the Prime Minister’s chums who isn’t quite bright enough to run his own department (he was sacked from his Cabinet post earlier this month) but who is capable of deciding whether votes require one, two or three “lines” and is then able to use a ruler to underline the vote the required number of times. 

Let’s not concern ourselves with what he said. It was clearly ridiculous and said in the heat of the moment. He was in the army in an earlier life and so he can’t be quite as ignorant as this outburst suggests. 

Let’s not even about the possibility that he looked the Prime Minister in the eye and lied about what he said. He’s only the Chief Whip. He’s a hall monitor; a teacher’s pet; someone who does the bidding of those more influential than he is. What he thinks is utterly irrelevant but it fills newspapers and gives the rest of us a good laugh at his expense. 

What we should be concerned about is how to respond to pressure. You can go one of two ways: you can lose the plot and do something you’ll regret, or you can chill out, take your time and behave like an adult. 

Mr Mitchell is an example of the former and at this weekend’s Ryder Cup you’ll see an example of the latter. This year’s competition is set to be tense and intimidating for the European players. The atmosphere will be ramped up by the American crowds being very loud (you know, the “IN THE HOLE” chat) but one man will be as cool as a cucumber in a well iced Hendricks and lemonade. Keep an eye out for him, he’s very distinctive:

That lad is Miguel Angel Jiminez. If only Mr Mitchell had taken Miguel’s approach and let his hair grow out, grabbed a hat, cigar, and one of the greatest Tashes in professional sport, maybe he would have rolled out of Downing Street with his dignity in tact. 

Have a cracking weekend folks!

That’s the way it is – Cronkite

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Namaste Tash Appreciators,

Thank the Lord, the new iPhone is here! 

The Daily Mail’s headline for the new iPhone read: “simply the best smartphone ever made”. The review that followed was a drooling mess of hyperbole that read like the Facebook status of a parent announcing the birth of their first child…and the child emerged reciting Shakespeare. 

The Guardian was no better: “it seems to float in the hand”; “swiping feels like touching the very pixels.” Utter rubbish. The phone quite clearly doesn’t “float in the hand” and if, it appears to do so, you should ask yourself if you’ve had one too many lemonades/lines of coke.

Please do not think this is part of the now popular trend of knocking folk who like Apple. This Tash Appreciator has a MacBook, iPhone and iPad. The issue is the standard of journalism. Why can’t papers be objective and just give us the facts? Whether it’s national elections or phone reviews, they all have an agenda. 

Journalism is a hot topic these days, with the word on the street being that the Leveson Report will be too critical to be politically acceptable and issues about privacy ironically dominating headlines.


This is all unnecessary. Running a paper is simple – tell the readers the truth; be objective; respect people’s privacy unless what they are doing is illegal, or contrary to the image they present to the public; and allow fair notice to those you are seeking to expose in order that they can present their side of the story. Easy. 

I wonder what “the most trusted man in America” would say about the state of journalism today. He informed the American public about the news from 1937 – 1980, which is pretty much when everything happened. He covered the Second World War, Vietnam, Watergate, the moon landings, the Kennedy assassination etc etc. This man was the late Walter Cronkite: 
Note that the most trustworthy man in America had a Tash.  
That’s it for this week’s Tash Friday. Stay classy Tash Appreciators. 
Cheers

TF Says Relax

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Guten morgen Tash Appreciators!

It’s another glorious Friday and for most of us that means two days of no work are imminent. Unfortunately, it won’t be like that for all of us. Some folk will be working over the weekend to catch up on whatever they couldn’t get to during the week.  

Some of these toiling Tash Appreciators have jobs that involve considerable responsibilities and that require more than 9-5 on week days. They no doubt have good reasons for working long hours and for feeling like they can’t stop. It can happen to anyone, even this guy:

What I’ve noticed with folk like this is the double standards that they perpetuate. They’re usually great to work for as they’ll tell everyone around them to make sure that they’re not working all hours; that they use all their holidays; and that they don’t become a ball of stress. But do they look after themselves as well as they look after everyone else? Almost certainly not. 

A phrase that’s usually trotted out by campaigners against police states is useful here: who watches the watchmen? When you’re the boss, who’s there to tell you that you’re working too hard and that you need to take your foot off the gas a bit? Even if there is someone who can have a word, people who end up being in charge are usually fairly difficult to argue with. After all, they’ve got to be “high heid yins” , they know how best to do things. They probably don’t trust anyone else to do things properly either. 

But if you look at the people who have ultimate responsibility for everything, they know that they can’t work all the time and that would be less productive overall if they did. Even the most powerful man in the world chills out once in a while. There’s an article in Time this week where Obama says that however busy he is (and he’s a busy chap) he still usually has dinner with the family and watches Sportscentre on ESPN. 

Ultimately, as depressing as it may be, we’re all expendable. If we got knocked down by a bus tomorrow, someone would be able to take our place. There are a lot of buses around, so take some time out and relax. 

Why not chill out by hanging out down the sauna with the lads? New Kids on the Block did…
On second thoughts, maybe that would be taking it a bit far.
Have a good weekend folks!

Tomorrow Never Knows pt 2

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Hola Tash Appreciators,

After the downbeat edition last week, this week’s incandescent Tash Friday is set to blaze a trail into yet another weekend. 

If the last week of August marks the end of some journeys, the beginning of September marks the beginning of others. Journeys in Scotland – particularly when they are attempted using public transport – can be uncomfortable, unpleasant and expensive but, every now and then, you get a pleasant surprise.  

If you wander through Hillhead subway station these days, you’ll see that the old brown and orange is disappearing and a sort of space age station is emerging from the dark. The best part of the new look is the addition of this:


It’s adapted from Canadian poet Dennis Leigh’s “work as if you live in the early days of a better nation” and, if you ignore the fact that you might see a similar sign at the entrances of North Korean sweat shops, it’s not bad.   

However, without intending any disrespect to Mr Leigh, it can be improved. What if, instead of “work as if…”, it was “work so that you live in the early days of a better nation”?

There has been talk all summer about marginal gains in sport having a cumulative and positive effect on the quality of outcomes. If we all worked towards something which led to a marginal (or not so marginal) gain in our lives and the lives of those around us, would we not improve ourselves and our surroundings? Would that not be the beginning of a better nation? Is it that easy? 

How you make that marginal gain is entirely up to you. You might save a life; take your granny out for lunch; or write daft emails about lads with moustaches… Arguably, it all counts. 

Last week’s TF said that tomorrow never knows and neither do we. That’s true but that’s the beauty of it: the future is not set in stone; it’s entirely up to us to decide whether we work and live in a better world/nation/city. 

An excellent example of a marginal gain is the humble Tash. It’s only a small detail but it can make all the difference:


 

Vs.


You dig?
Have an outstanding weekend folks!

Tomorrow Never Knows pt 1

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Morning Tash Appreciators,

The end of August tends to be the time when training contracts of various types end and people become fully qualified in whatever field they’re in. Today, it’s our turn. After seven years, we can legitimately say:

Maybe I’ll use that line when arguing with Scotfail about why they won’t let me use my under-25 card to buy a season ticket and whether they are, in fact, useless. 

It’s a kind of strange day because for some of us nothing will change next week other than there’ll be fewer of us. As much as I have protested otherwise, that’s not a change for the better. 

I’ve been working on this TF for a couple of weeks and I thought I had it sorted.  But then the other day, when leaving cards started hitting my desk and I was left wondering what to write, I realised that what I had prepared was of no practical use and wasn’t right.

The aim this week is therefore not to provide hope – there should be enough of that already – but to provide facts. 

Tash Friday, or Heidi Friday as it was then, started as just a funny thing to do to celebrate the end of the week. But when people started to get something out of it, the odd TF would be directed at individuals. Even if they weren’t named, they knew it was for them. As a result, I’ve kept an eye out for folk who are having a tough time, watched how they’ve got on, and if I had something to say which I thought might be helpful, then I’d say it. As I said last week, a bit of encouragement can go a long way.

Among us Tash Appreciators, many have gone through periods of not having jobs; or not having the right job; or not being happy; or suffering some kind of loss. Unfortunately, this week’s first fact, and it’s not an original observation, is that life’s a bitch. 
But what’s also true is that every single one of those same people (that’s 100%; all of them) moved on, moved up and didn’t look back. That’s the type of folk I like to hang out with – Tash Friday don’t run with chumps. I have absolute faith that this pattern will continue and that those who haven’t yet got something lined up, soon will.
The other certainty is that you can’t predict what’s coming next. Tomorrow never knows and neither do we. All you can do is turn off your mind, relax, and float down stream until the next opportunity presents itself. Of course, you’re more likely to see it if you’re keeping an eye out. 
So, that brings us to this week’s Tashes. Both are crass, crude, rude, obnoxious and generally unpleasant to be around. However, over the last few weeks and months they’ve turned out to be class acts. 
RI: 
It’s been a pleasure chaps. It really has.